I'm becoming a squirrel!

This is embarrassing.

I was at a meeting Tuesday. Refreshments were on a table outside the room where the meeting was being held. I took a bottle of water with me into the meeting. I stayed for a conversation with someone after the meeting and was the last one to leave. The refreshments were still there. I stuffed two cereal bars, a banana, and two bottles of water into my rain coat pockets.

I am on a money fast and it had suddenly occurred to me that if I wanted something to eat or drink while I was driving back to the city (only a 45-minute drive), the money fast would prevent me from stopping to buy something. So I squirreled up on free refreshments.

The next day I was at another meeting. I left this meeting early. They had just put new refreshments on the table and I stuffed some peanut butter crackers and a bottle of water into my pocket and almost took even more refreshments with me.

I assume nobody would get too upset because I swiped some refreshments, even though I assume the purpose of refreshments is to keep us alert at the meeting, not to take home with us.

What embarrasses me is the neediness within me that worries at a very primitive level that I will not be able to satisfy a need or desire when I want to. It is a neediness that reacts by stuffing my pockets with free stuff. In all honesty, I actually looked around to see if anybody was watching me before I stuffed my pockets. Really. At my age.

I've occasionally seen this kind of stuffing-your-pockets behavior among very poor people and always had a sort of smug liberal superior amusement about it. Now I've learned that the same spirit is in me.