Thank you

I am more appreciative for all of the communications I have received this Lenten season about forgiveness than I can express.

Members of the Foundry congregation have been taking some amazing steps ... contacting relatives they have been alienated from for years, asking ex-spouses for forgiveness, praying for their own grace to accept God's forgiveness for things they have beaten themselves up about for years.

I do not think I have ever received so much feedback about any sermon series ever before.

I think we happened upon a very important topic. Even as we move on to another series after Easter, I encourage you to continue to think and pray about forgiveness.

You are invited to our Good Friday services at noon and 7 p.m. when we will anoint with oil for forgiveness.

And thanks to everyone who has shared their story with me this Lent!

From Alicia ....

This past week’s sermon brought another “aha” moment for me. Dean said (I’m paraphrasing based on my memory) that you know you have forgiven someone when you think of them or remember them – including all of their faults – and feel only love and peace in your heart.

I only knew one of my grandparents, my father’s mother. Her name was Rebeca Gutierrez and pretty much everyone in the family will tell you that she was not a very nice woman. I’ll just leave it at that. Although I grew up just a few miles from my grandmother, I don’t have many happy memories of her. This always made me sad, especially when I heard others talk about their warm relationships with their grandparents.

But, as I’ve gotten older and have encountered challenges and heartbreaks that I never expected, I have come to appreciate and love my grandmother in a new way. I’ve come to appreciate that there were probably reasons she acted the way she did. I can guess what they might have been – she was widowed with three young children, she fled the Mexican revolution at age two – but I don’t really know. However, this helped me view her in a way other than just the grandmother that fell short of my childhood dreams.

As the negative memories of my grandmother started to fade, I was able to see more clearly the incredible ways her strength and courage shaped my life. She was a woman before her time and had vision and foresight that are not always easily appreciated.

In the early 1950s, my grandparents were both school teachers living in East Los Angeles with three young children. Then my grandfather died of cancer, when my aunt was just an infant. My grandfather’s death did not deter my grandmother’s plan to get her children the best education possible. She bought a house in South Pasadena, an almost exclusively white town just a few miles away, against the petitions of residents in the neighborhood. They did not want Mexican Americans in the neighborhood, clearly evidenced by the sign “No Dogs, No Negroes, No Mexicans” at the city pool. The move was not without its hardships, but her plan was successful and all three of her children (and one of her grandchildren, me) graduated from Stanford and also earned graduate degrees.

My grandmother’s drive for access to the American dream for her children and Mexican Americans generally (she and my grandfather were leaders in the Mexican American Movement, a civil rights movement in the 1940s) had many successes and provided a platform for me to reach even higher. However, as many of us know, breaking down barriers and fighting for inclusion are not easy tasks and these activities may have impacted how she treated those closest to her. I have learned to forgive the lack of happy times with her. I may not have memories of baking cookies with her, but I carry on her legacy and for that I’m incredibly proud and thankful.

A blog from Alicia

Thanks to Alicia Gutierrez for this post --

As Dawn mentioned in her sermon on Sunday, this has been a tough sermon series. Talking about forgiveness is difficult. When the sermon series was announced I was unsure of how I felt about it. Yeah, it’s a great idea – we all know forgiveness is a good thing – but what would the series look like? Most importantly, would it really help me get over the terrible betrayals that I decided to focus on?

Well, my skepticism turned out to be somewhat justified, at least as I initially conceptualized a forgiveness series. Neither Dean nor Dawn has given us a step by step program about how to forgive. I so wish they did! Instead, they have focused on the importance of forgiveness, the reasons why forgiveness is in keeping with Christian principles, and how choosing to forgive is following the example of Jesus Christ.

During this past sermon, I had a sort of “aha” moment. I understood why it’s so important for me to forgive these particular wrongs done to me. I thought I understood it before, but that was just a theoretical idea, and after the past several sermons the importance of forgiveness clicked in a new way. I saw clearly how holding onto anger is holding me back and making peace with the past – and forgiving those who hurt me – is the only way to move forward into the life that I want to create.

I describe myself as being in a “forgiveness soup,” I know a lot is going on as I work through my pain consciously and subconsciously, but I can’t explain it in any logical way. However, this past Sunday I realized that the teaching, prayer, fellowship, and meditation of this Lenten season is helping me move towards forgiveness. This is better than a step by step plan. I am learning to forgive by developing a deeper understanding of God’s word and by strengthening my faith as I ask God for grace and guidance.

Payback

I have been spending way too much time googling topics related to forgiveness on the internet. This week I googled the word "payback" and found a site where you can have dead flowers or a dead fish mailed to someone you are angry at.

Here is a testimonial from the website:

Testimonial: "Just wanted to thank you guys for providing such great service. I wish I could have seen my ex's face when he got that box of dead roses! You guys really made my day. I'm glad I got even with that jerk. More people need to know about this service, so I'm telling my girlfriends because I'm pretty sure they know some jerks too. Most guys are anyway."--Jessica

Comments anyone?

Resentment

Johann Christoph Arnold's book Why Forgive? (available as a free ebook download here) includes this wonderful quote from Nelson Mandela -- "Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemy."

Excusing versus forgiving

I am going to be quoting this essay by C. S. Lewis tomorrow during the teaching time.

The entire essay is well worth reading. Here is a short excerpt--

As regards my own sins it is a safe bet (though not a certainty) that the excuses are not really so good as I think; as regards other [person's'] sins against me it is a safe bet (though not a certainty) that the excuses are better than I think. One must therefore begin by attending to everything which may show that the other [person] was not so much to blame as we thought. But even if he [or she] is absolutely fully to blame we still have to forgive him [or her]; and even if ninety-nine per cent of his [or her] apparent guilt can be explained away by really good excuses, the problem of forgiveness begins with the one per cent of guilt that is left over. To excuse, what can really produce good excuses is not Christian charity; it is only fairness. To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.

Wow!

A report from Julie about Ash Wednesday at Dupont Circle

From Julie Bringman, Director of Sunday Night at Foundry ministries --

Some people are calling it Ashes-to-Go; some people say it is a national movement; on a whim, I called it an Ashes-Flash-Mob. Whatever the catch-phrase, a group of people in DC received the imposition of Ashes on their foreheads and heard the words “You come from dust, and you will return to dust, beloved child of God,” without planning for or entering a church.

Peter Dull, Ty Trapps, Sam Hedlund and I got up early Wednesday morning and made our way to the Dupont Metro station for this religious social experiment. We had ashes and hand-made signs reading, “Got Ashes?” We sought to offer this ancient church ritual to anyone interested.

In the 8-9am hour that we were there, countless people filed into and out of the metro. Many with earbuds and newspapers paid no attention; some with ashes already on their forehead smiled in recognition; some asked, “What is this all about?” And some welcomed the invitation and received the ashes.

PBS Religion and Ethics Blog and CNN Belief Blog were curious about this as well. Watch their take on the experience below.

http://www.pbs.org/wnet/religionandethics/episodes/ashes-to-ashes/10374/

http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2012/02/22/for-the-rushed-on-ash-wednesday-ashes-on-the-go/

I don’t know what the impact of this social experiment will be; I don’t know if this will become a regular occurrence for Foundry. But I do know we are a church that seeks to have an impact beyond the walls of our building. This was a new expression of this deeply-held Foundry value.

I do know when we are open to the Spirit’s leading, when we are creative with tradition, we make room for God to show up in new ways in our own lives and in the lives of others.

--Julie

SN@F giving out ashes on the street yesterday

Watch this video about Sunday Night @ Foundry folk "doing"ashes at the Dupont
Metro yesterday.

Ash Wednesday

From Eugene Peterson's book The Pastor: A Memoir

Jan and I were visiting a Benedictine monastery, Christ in the Desert, in New Mexico. One of the brothers was leading us on a path from prayers in the chapel to the refectory where we would have lunch. The path led through the cemetery. We passed an open grave.

Jan said, “Oh, did one of the brothers just die?”

“No, that is for the next one.”

Three times a day, on their way from praying together to eating together, the monks are reminded that one of them will be “the next one.”

And I was reminded that there is a long tradition in the church’s life that the pastoral vocation consists in preparing people for “a good death.”

Ash Wednesday is like that open grave. When ashes are smeared onto our foreheads, the pastor says: "Remember you are dust and to dust you shall return." It is a reminder that life has an end.

We don't talk about this much anymore, but the first Methodists made a sort of cult of dying a "good death." Methodists would repeat stories of how someone had died at peace with their God, happy to go on to the next life.

The story of John Wesley's own death has been told and retold for more than 200 years. Here it is according to J.F. Hurst's book John Wesley the Methodist:

Wesley died on 2 March 1791, in his eighty-seventh year. As he lay dying, his friends gathered around him, Wesley grasped their hands and said repeatedly, "Farewell, farewell." At the end, he said "The best of all is, God is with us", lifted his arms and raised his feeble voice again, repeating the words, "The best of all is, God is with us."

Maybe. The point of the stories about Methodists dying a good death was that it was important to the first Methodists that they knew with assurance that their sins were forgiven so that they could die with grace and peace in their hearts. They could die without any unresolved issues between them and their God. It would be nice.

"Lord, let me know my end," the Psalmist prays. "Let me know how fleeting my life is." (Ps 39:4)

Life is too short to waste very much of it on unforgiven resentments against those who have sinned against us or unresolved guilt about sins for which we will not fully accept God's forgiveness.

The message is, I think: Give forgiveness and get forgiveness and move on. Life is short.

Lent 2012

Welcome to Lent 2012. Last year we did a money fast during the season of Lent. This year our topic is forgiveness and we are inviting everyone to think and pray about forgiving others, ourselves, and maybe even God.

There is a book to read: Why Forgive? by Johann Christoph Arnold of the Bruderhof Community, an Anabaptist group similar to the Amish. The book is full of stories and I was moved by it the first time I read it 9 or ten years ago. It is actually now available for free as an ebook here.

My goal this Lent is to forgive two resentments that have festered inside of me for years -- one for more than 50 years. I have also set a goal of accepting God's forgiveness for two things in my life that I have felt guilty about for years. I am not looking forward to it. I have been attached to this resentment and guilt for a long time. I am not sure how to let them go.

We have groups here at Foundry for you to join to think, share and pray about forgiveness. Read about them here. I encourage you to join one or start your own. It only takes two people to make a group.

As always, I welcome your reflections. If you'd like to be a guest blogger, email me your blog and I will post it. dsnyder at foundryumc dot org.

Join us for ashes tomorrow, Ash Wednesday. We will be imposing them at Foundry at 8 a.m. and 7 p.m. Our Sunday Night @ Foundry crew will be giving out ashes at the Dupont Circle Metro stop from 8 to 9 tomorrow morning if you'd like ashes to go.

May you have a holy Lent!

Free First Date - Rachel Deals with the Money Fast

I thought I felt awkward when my friends started offering to pay for the small, unnecessary luxuries we normally shared. “Rachel, really, I’ll buy you a yogurt.” I explained, laughing, or daydreaming about the mango and brownie crumble topping, that it wasn’t really about ME not spending money, it was about not taking things I don’t need. It was about considering how I use resources and meditating on social justice. I reassured her; “I don’t think I’m fat,” and she decided it was okay to let me continue on my money fast, frozen yogurt covered in mango and chocolate brownie-less.

I hadn’t really met awkward until a week later. A first date. Eek! I said yes. How exciting. A great distraction from child abuse and cognitive behavioral therapy, topics permeating my masters in social work program. Then, it hit me. No I cannot go out to dinner with you, or see a movie, or play pool. Those all require spending money for things I do not need.

I paced campus with dear friends on our class break. How do I say this and not sound weird? How do I explain that I’m a progressive, social justice oriented Christian-before a first date? Lent can be so dark. Suggestions came. “Give it up for one night.” But the one that stuck was, “Rachel, you don’t want to be with someone who wouldn’t think that was cool anyway.” Right. Okay. So…I wrote an email. It said something like “yes, I want to hang out. I’m doing this social justice, analyze consumerism thing. So I’m not spending any money I don’t need to. Want to not spend money with me?” I’ll tell him about the Christian thing tomorrow.

Huge sigh of relief when he wrote back and told me his dad talks about the invisible backpack we carry around full of stuff. Yes, he will hang out with me. We’ll play Frisbee.

Fast-forward - it’s Wednesday, first date day. And it’s pouring rain and cold. Frisbee is vetoed. Let’s go see the amazing art museum on campus! It was closed, but there was a touch screen art computer in the atrium we played with. That took 5 minutes and it was still raining. We ended up in the student union. We voted in a photography contest, attempted a crossword puzzle, and happened upon a slam poetry contest. 19-year-old prophets rhymed about domestic violence, racism, and misogyny. Watching that is better screening of a date than any happy hour special I’ve seen.

I won’t first-date-and-tell. What I can say is that I started the week wishing I could just spend money on dinner out, to be less uncomfortable. It is easy to invite dear friends over and connect with out spending a dime. But we use consumerism to facilitate new connections, to ease our minds, to distract us from requests for real intimacy. I ended the week grateful to not have money for anything more than essentials. I didn’t eat yogurt to ease my nerves. I didn’t sit silently in a movie on a first date, wishing I were learning more about the cute guy who I came in with. This money fast, instead of making me count the days until it’s over, has made me closer to genuine connection, self-soothing, and amazing homemade lunches. Thank you Jesus!

Thanks to Rachel Cloud for this guest post.

Fasting, and then Slowing

My friend Graham asked me if I had ever shopped at a thrift store. I responded: "Sure! I go to Loehmans." That made him laugh--evidently Loehmans is not a thrift store. Oh well. This was the first of many lessons in my adventure of learning to live on about 1/5 of what I had made the year before. A combination of divorce, economy and one of those mortgages you read about had created a perfect storm, of sorts, for me financially.


Now, without house, car, almost all of my furniture and art, and thankfully about 50 pounds lighter, my life has changed considerably, and for the better. I look at things differently. I am thankful more often. I now understand what people meant when they encouraged me to "look at life's little moments and beauties." Before, I had no idea what that meant--I was too absorbed in the next business deal and what that could buy for me. Now, I am living life more slowly, enjoying good conversations, a slow and delicious cup of tea, and books from the library.



People ask me how I survived all of this. I have to admit, I cried a lot. It wasn't about money though. It was about the loss of what I call my "before friends." Now, I define what friends are much more carefully.



When I wasn't crying, I was laughing. The conundrum of how to interview (yep, unemployed too!) when I have nothing that fits my new size and my new budget was stressful, yet hilarious all at the same time. We have laughed until we have cried at pot lucks and game nights here at home. My girlfriends and I shriek with laughter as we compare notes of real thrift store finds. It is all an adventure, and a welcome one.



Cath's top 5 tips for financial fasting and surviving on a dime:



1. Use cash. There's nothing like handing over one $20 bill after the next to convince you to stop doing that.

2. Go to the library. It is one of our most underutilized tax benefits.

3. Sell things on Craig's list. I survived for almost a year from what I made from selling my...stuff. It is just stuff! How much do you really need?

4. Avoid restaurants, even with your cash. Eating at home is often healthier and you can even lose weight! For me, after my mortgage, this was my number one expense.

5. Make a game out of paying off your debt. For me, the moment I changed my attitude about my debt is the moment it began reducing in size.


Thanks to Cath Shaw for this guest blog.

Guest blog by Alicia -- Sharing our Faith

Several years ago I was worshiping at a church in Chevy Chase DC and also volunteering with an organization that provides furniture to DC area families. I enjoyed my work with both groups, but viewed them as separate, mostly because I wasn’t comfortable mixing my religious life with my service activities.

One day I talked to Jonathan, the director of the non-profit, about my church hosting an event for some of the families they serve. I was thinking of something off-site, with no religious content. Jonathan said that the families would probably prefer an event at the church. Apparently, many of the families have a strong religious faith, but can’t make it to services on a regular basis due to transportation issues.

We decided to hold a brunch after service one Sunday. Church members picked up the families from their homes and brought them to service. Afterwards, everyone enjoyed brunch in the fellowship hall.

During brunch, a 14 year old boy named Max introduced himself to Jonathan. He thanked Jonathan for providing beds and other furniture to his family; he asked if there was some way to he could help the organization. He started volunteering the next weekend. Throughout high school, Max volunteered every day after school and every Saturday. Whenever we said goodbye he told me to “Be Safe.” For some reason that has always stuck in my mind. He became part of the non-profit’s family – becoming friends with the college interns and receiving tutoring and mentoring from the extended network of volunteers. I have no doubt that these friendships have changed the course of his life.

I have had a very blessed life, always having a bed to call my own and never having to worry about losing the roof over my head. I’ve also always had a church community and before this brunch I never realized that this was a blessing that many are not able to have. I still am shy about sharing my faith with others, never wanting to appear to be pushing my religious beliefs, but Dean’s sermon reminded me that an invitation can lead to amazing, unexpected things.

Sometimes money fasting is just inconvenient

I had lunch meetings scheduled twice this week. So I invited people to my office for lunch. Monday I made a variety of sandwiches and a salad in the morning and carried them with me to work. Four of us sat around my coffeetable and had sandwiches and little salads for lunch.

Yesterday I wanted to "run" to church for some morning exercise (note that "run" is in quotes). I couldn't carry lunch with me conveniently. So I stopped at a grocery store near the church and bought makings for hoagies and a bag of potato chips. I hurriedly made sandwiches between a conference call and my lunch meeting. The person I was meeting with probably would have preferred a restaurant but he accommodated me. I am not sure that buying the ingredients and making the sandwiches myself was, in this case, much cheaper.

After the money fast is over, this is a practice I will not continue. It is too hard and not as friendly as having conversation over lunch at Bua's or the Commissary or even the lunch room at Whole Foods.

Yet, inconvenient as it has been, even this has been a good practice. In spite of not wanting to prepare lunches for meetings, I will carry my lunch rather than grab a sandwich somewhere more often. And I will remember how privileged I am to be able to have a relaxed conversational lunch with others at restaurants pretty much whenever I prefer to.

(Tomorrow ... a guest blog from Alicia.)

So I guess I cheated

People we love, who had been out of town for a few months, arranged with us long ago to spend an evening together this past week. We invited them over to our house for dinner. They said, No, no, we want to take you out to dinner. Jane asked me what she should say to them.

As part of the money fast, we have not been eating out no matter who is paying the bill. Otherwise folk who know we are doing a money fast would just pay for things for us and we would not experience the full experience of the fast. This is my reasoning, anyway.

But these friends really wanted to do this. I don't think they even knew about the money fast. I was afraid that they would feel the need to cook if we turned down their invitation to go to a restaurant and I didn't want to put that on them. I also did not want to be ungracious.

So I told Jane to tell them we would be delighted to be their guests for dinner. They asked us to pick the restaurant so we chose one that is very reasonably priced but a great place to talk. We enjoyed our meals, had a long conversation, and it was a good evening.

Sometimes friendship trumps discipline.

Standing in line at Panera, wallet in hand: Guest blog by Erin Ruberry

I'm standing in line at Panera with my wallet in-hand and coffee on the brain. 'It's a couple of dollars I'll never miss for a caffeine boost I really need,' I thought to myself. 'What's one cup of coffee?'

The 21-day financial fast was in its first weekend and I was already close to cracking. As I crept closer to the cash register, though, a small voice in the back of my head said, 'Don't do it. Turn around. Be strong.' The nagging voice prevailed. I got out of line and sat down at a table with my pre-packed sandwich to wait for my friends to order. Coffee could wait.

Doing without the ritual of friendly coffee date or the ease of socializing at a bar or restaurant has been the most difficult part of the financial fast. As a fairly frugal person, I'm used to packing lunch and making more meals at home than I eat out. But when it's grey, rainy and cold, all I want is a grande nonfat soy latte from Starbucks, not a mug of black coffee with a splash of almond milk at home.

Why am I doing the financial fast with Foundry? It's not to save money. For me, it’s about being conscious about where my money is going. Shelling out ‘a few bucks’ for a cup of coffee or a cute pair of Target flats isn’t going to break the bank. But for the nearly 1 billion people worldwide who live on less than $1 a day, ‘a few bucks’ has a different meaning.

I’m lucky to live in a city where there are an abundance of things to do for free: museums, parks, festivals and special events. Not spending money for 3 weeks doesn’t mean sitting inside being bored. In fact, I’m hoping to discover new attractions that normally would have fallen off my radar. When my weekly small group met last week, we took our gathering to the steps of the American Art Museum. Instead of meeting friends for post-church brunch, we've been hosting brunches at home and trying new recipes. Rather than hanging out at malls, we're getting together for hikes along the C&O canal.

To stay in the right spirit, I’m donating the money I would normally have spent on eating out (based on my Mint.com monthly budget) to the Capital Area Food Bank, ‘the largest, public nonprofit hunger and nutrition education resource in the Washington, D.C. Metropolitan Area.

I’m hoping that this 21-day exercise makes me think twice before handing over my credit card at Target, Caribou Coffee, the cafeteria at work or any of my other usual haunts. And if it also makes me accustomed to brewing coffee at home and cooking brunch rather than going out, so much the better.

(Erin has been attending Foundry since she was a baby. She officially became a member last year. we are grateful for her reflection!)

Guest blog by Alicia

I met a woman at Foundry a few months ago. I will call her Diane. In some ways we were similar and there was an ease to our interaction, but there was one big difference – I have a home and she does not. As we left the church, I invited her to my nearby apartment to continue our conversation.

We spent several hours talking about all sorts of things – work, religion, family. I made some tea and she brought out a banana that we shared. I had some clothes set aside for donation; she looked through them and found a couple of warm sweaters. But, mostly we just talked, like teenage girls who became fast friends.

As she left, she thanked me for my hospitality and said she most appreciated the opportunity to just relax and “feel normal.” For her it was a taste of an earlier, easier time and a welcome break from her days and nights on the street. As she left she asked if I had a prayer request that she could keep in mind.

I haven’t seen Diane since that day. I think of her as an angel who came into my life to teach me lessons that I continue to learn. I thought about Diane during Dean’s recent sermon about what we would give if we had no money. Simple fellowship is sometimes the greatest gift we can provide. And it’s something we can all give without spending a cent.

(Wow. Thanks, Alicia.)

The money fast and our waists

Several Foundry folk have told me they have lost weight while on the money fast.

In one case, the person who told me he had lost weight thought it was because he was walking instead of taking cabs. In another case, somebody thought it was because of not eating in restaurants. Another person said it was because he had decided not to buy beer while he was on the money fast.

It made me remember something I heard from a denominational leader 25 years ago or more. This particular leader, noticing the waistlines of some of us clergy, started a campaign to get us exercising. One of the unintended but positive consequences of the program, he said, was the number of clergy who told him that --when they started exercising-- they also began praying in a regular and more disciplined way again.

He said clergy (who often go into ministry because they really, really want to pray) would come up to him with tears in their eyes and say, "I want to thank you. Since I've started exercising, I've also started praying again." It was very touching, he said.

His conclusion was that, when we practice discipline in any one area of our lives, it tends to increase the odds that we will become more disciplined in other areas of our lives as well. Physical disciplines stimulate spiritual disciplines, and vice versa.

So there may be a larger dynamic at work with those of us losing weight during the money fast. It may be that when we discipline ourselves to set limits on one kind of appetite, it may actually become easier to set limits on other appetites.

Guest blog from Nancy Groth

The money fast has caused me to focus on the money aspect of a perpetual New Year’s resolution: to waste less food. For the money fast, I have committed to packing my lunch for work instead of eating out; eating takeout or in restaurants also puts a lot of food to waste because my portion size is so much smaller than the norm, and I’m not very systematic about the leftovers.

By “packing” my lunch, like most any other verb of physical activity, I mean using my outsourced production capabilities. I order to contract for the limited physical assistance I need to be disassembled and transferred to bed at night, I have had to commit to an aide’s three-hour shift every evening from 8-11. What this means in practical terms is that three hours out of every twenty-four, I have hands [my grown kids are fond of claiming to be ahead of me evolutionarily because they have opposable thumbs but I do not] and reaching arms for housekeeping, laundry, cooking by loading a crock pot for the next day’s cooking, or now packing a week’s worth of lunches. So the challenge of “packing” my lunches is not a physical task for me, but a matter of ingenuity and organization and planning, areas where I excel. I can do this.

I decided to make a batch of sesame noodles, which with some fruit and my newest favorite food, Greek yogurt, would make packable lunches. I already had sesame oil, whole-wheat linguini, soy sauce and peanut butter in the cupboard, so I went to Whole Foods to get a small piece of ginger and a modest assortment of shredded veggies from the salad bar, cheaper than buying a whole one of each of the veggies for one person’s batch of noodles. While there I also bought an $8 can of tahini, which I decided was a “staple” even though I only needed a couple tablespoons for the sesame noodles; my college-age kid will be home for the summer and loves tahini, so surely it will get eaten. So far, so good.

That evening the weekend aide boiled some linguini and mixed stuff under my direction. Trying to open the can of tahini, her efforts with the electric can opener produced an awful grinding noise. I realized that the last attempt at using the electric can opener was by the weeknight aide, a lovely man from Nigeria who apparently has never cooked anything before working with me, and is unfamiliar with American appliances, even implements I thought were pretty universal and low-tech, like the vegetable peeler. I can’t tell if the electric can opener is broken from the previous attempt, or if the weekend aide, who is from Cameroon but is also a mother who cooks, has it lined up with the can top or not. I can’t tell because it is her hands and eyes on the electric can opener, not mine. Note to self: go to Bed, Bath & Beyond, and get an OXO hand-crank can opener that will be aide-proof.

In the few seconds it takes me to ponder this, the aide opens the silverware drawer, grabs a kitchen knife, and happily and efficiently stabs the top of the steel can of tahini, proceeding to saw all the way around the top with the kitchen knife. Yikes! I only have mediocre kitchen knives which are difficult to sharpen and don’t hold an edge worth anything, and I’m pretty sure that sawing through the top of a steel can has hastened or precipitated this knife’s demise.

Tally so far for one batch of sesame noodles: an $8 can of tahini, one electric can opener, one hand-crank can opener, and one kitchen knife.

What I notice in all this, for the zillionth time, is how little control I have over producing my intentions, and how quickly I jump to technology, i.e.money, to troubleshoot, like the hand-crank can opener. The overwhelming majority of people with disabilities do not have dedicated aides or my resources to troubleshoot with.

OK, so actually the can openers and knife were casualties of my cost of doing business, not the sesame noodles. This week’s lunch menu: sandwiches, alternate days of roast-beef-with-provolone and peanut-butter-with-nutella. And fruit and Greek yogurt.

(Nancy is a wheelchair user. Thanks to her for her delightful and thoughtful sharing!)

Anybody notice lately how much gasoline costs?

I needed gasoline the other day. Gasoline for travel for work or for family visits is on my list of necessary and allowable expenditures during my 21-day money fast. I'd had a meeting out of town that day and had another meeting out of town scheduled for the next day and did not have enough gas left in the tank to make it to my meeting the next day. So I needed gas.

Since I am not using credit or debit cards, I needed to use cash to pay for the gas. It has been years and years since I have paid for gasoline with cash. I can't remeber the last time I used cash to buy gasoline.

I looked at how much cash I had in my wallet. I am trying to be a little careful not to run out of cash since I am carrying no plastic in my wallet and don't want to be out of money altogether, just in case. Without using my debit card, I can get cash only when my bank is open.

Heck, I thought, I guess I have enough cash so I'll just go ahead and get $25 worth while I'm here.

Twenty-five dollars bought me 6.65 gallons of gasoline! My gas meter registered just a hair over half full. What??!! When did gasoline get this expensive??!!

I sat in my car trying to figure out whether there was some way I could get to my meeting the next day by public transportation? Was there someone else going to the meeting I could share a ride with?

I confess that I have the capacity to be a little oblivious when it comes to the practicalities of life. When I am filling up the tank of my car with gasoline, my mind is likely to be thinking about the theological implications of the discovery that the universe is expanding faster than scientists had previously thought or what it means that the country seems to be going through an unusually wacky season. I guess I usually hardly even notice how much I am paying for a tank of gasoline.

The most interesting thing to me is that, when I used cash to buy gas, I had a new appreciation of how much gasoline actually costs. And my mind immediately went to alternative possibilities for transportation ... which is a good thing for other reasons as well.

I guess the money fast was working.